By Lyn Funnell
Why is Nature so cruel?
Why is every day a constant battle to stop myself getting older, fatter and uglier?
I know that I’ve got high blood pressure and Bingo Wing Phobia. But apparently, now that I’m over 70, I have a risk of getting diabetes, heart trouble, high cholesterol, various cancers, and God knows what else.
Not so long ago a lot of people didn’t even live to my age, but they didn’t have all the problems that we have now as they sat down to their morning fry-ups.
They were innocently happy and got on with their lives.
I hate the gym. It’s boring. There’s always something else to do that’s Very Important.
Honestly, I don’t eat much. I eat less now than I ever have. We only eat fresh food. I hardly ever touch bread or cakes. I eat fruit and vegetables.
There’s nothing else I can give up. A couple of glasses of wine at the weekend and I’m back to Square One again. It’s just not fair.
When I look in the mirror I hate what I see. Although I’ve never been pretty, I had a gorgeous body when I was young.
Now I’ve got the body of a Sumo Wrestler (Well okay, a small one) and more chins than a Chinese telephone directory.
What else can I do to get fit and beautiful again?
I know! I’m going to start walking.
The Long-Suffering Hubby says that I’d drive to the loo if I could.
Right, I’ll prove him wrong. I’ll start walking tomorrow.
No I won’t. I’ll start TODAY.
Isn’t it a bit late? The sun will be setting soon.
No it isn’t! Just do it!
A bottle of water. I must take one with me. And the sun’s going down so I’ll need a jacket.
Whenever I go out in the car I always take about half a dozen jackets and jumpers of varying thicknesses.
How do I know what to choose now?
I’ll wear a fleece and pack my light waterproof coat in case it rains. That cloud in the distance looks pretty threatening.
I’ve got four umbrellas in the car; small, medium, large, and broken.
No, the jacket will have to do.
Okay, I’m ready. No more excuses. Door locked. Keys in bag.
This bag is a bit heavy. Note to moi. Design a trolley to pull along behind. A sort of Shanks’s Pony Cart.
Hey, that’s good!
I wish my hair would stop blowing in my eyes. Note to moi. Buy a headband.
Is that my breathing I can hear? Am I wheezing? What’s that a sign of? I’m sure there’s something seriously wrong with me!
Did I grunt then? That’s an Old People’s Noise, isn’t it? Or is that what we walkers do? Yes, it probably means that I’m getting nice and healthy!
Cor he’s nice, jogging effortlessly towards me! Oh, he’s made eye contact and smiled at me!
I wonder if he jogs along here at the same time every afternoon? Maybe in a few weeks’ time we can jog along and chat together. That’ll be more interesting than walking alone! Just wait till he sees my new body!
Aargh, that was close! A paperboy on a bike, riding along on the pavement. He veered into the road just in time. I was about to flatten myself against the wall.
Do women with babies in prams have right of way on the pavement, or do they just think they have? She hasn’t noticed me. She’s tapping away on her phone. Okay dear, I’ll squash myself out of the way, shall I?
I really don’t like that black cloud over there. It’s not forecast. It’s definitely come closer, and grown in size.
The Long-Suffering Hubby calls me Triffid. He says I think I’m going to dissolve if raindrops fall on my head.
I’m so hot that I’ve got to take my jacket off. Now my bag’s heavier than ever.
My toenails feel as though they’ve grown about half an inch since I left home. I’ll have to walk on my heels soon if they grow any more.
Those seats outside the pub look tempting. Half a cold lager. Mmm. No, don’t look. Keep going.
I mustn’t think that I’m Doing a Walk. I must just think that I’m Going For a Walk. It sounds less aggressive and more casual.
At last I’m here! Now I can sit down and do some writing and wait for my lift home.
Well I didn’t say I’d walk home again, did I?
Baby steps. One at a time.
Tomorrow I’ll walk in a different direction.
I’m going to see local places that I’ve never seen before. But I hope it doesn’t rain!
Author Bio:
Lyn had very successful careers as an Air Hostess, Sales Rep, (she was one of only a couple of women. She beat all the men regularly, becoming the Top Rep in the UK, and 2nd in the world.) And then Catering took over. She did everything from the washing-up, to Silver Service Waitress, and Chef. A few times, she had to cook the meal, dash round the other side and Silver Serve it! She collected all interesting recipes while she worked.
In between all this, she wrote as often as she could, building up a reputation as a published short story writer, (Horror and a twist in the tale,) and a Poet. She has appeared as a Performing Poet, and a Demo Chef. Then she discovered the world of the Food & Travel Writer. And that’s what she has continued doing to this day. She has continued to collect interesting recipes from different countries.
She enjoys entering Competitions, submitting her original recipes. She was first in many Competitions, including the Good Housekeeping Millenium Menu, Fruits of France, Bernard Matthews Turkey Recipe, and appeared on BBC’s The One Show Spag Bol contest. She was one of three Finalists, coming 2nd, which makes her Britain’s Spag Bol Queen!
After several years of being messed around by Editors, and having loads of contacts, Lyn formed her own online Magazine, vowing to treat her writers fairly, and to do everything possible to further their careers, publicise their books, etc. She had a band of excellent regular writers, and the Magazine went from strength to strength!
Lyn has several books published on Amazon.
Her publishers are Michael Terence Publishing: www.mtp.agency
