By Miriam Erasmus
I’d like to talk awhile about the concept of caring.
We use the word in such a positive way.
“I care” carries so much love and sincerity, and wraps the listener in a blanket of security and safety that warms the heart and soul.
However, more and more, the natural caring we have for others is being replaced by reliance on pills and quick fix solutions that make other people very rich off our suffering.
Once upon a time if a baby cried, the mother, or someone who really cared, would pick that little soul up, rock and soothe, until the problem revealed itself = a burp, fart, poo or wee = or a sadness that needed a hug.
Now we put babies in cots with mobiles to distract their eyes. Soothing sounds online replace a hummed lullaby, from which the baby absorbs the vibrations from your chest to their little body.
A babies’ cry is an irritation to us rather than a cry for help from a helpless being that we have co – created.
I know this – many a time I have responded to the seemingly endless cries of my children by shouting, or an exhausted burst of anger because nothing I have done eases that need. “You know why your baby is crying.” Bullshit, I had no idea and the frustration was real.
Then I have carried that guilt all my life and my children are in their 40s already !!!!
We send out cries for help all our lives.
Some are lucky enough to have their cries heard and understood, but most of us have no idea how to ask for help, or how to respond when help is needed.
I was brought up in a very old fashioned world where, if you had a problem, or something untoward happened, the response was ‘How can you do this to me ?’ or “How can you do this to your Mother ?’ I can honestly say that the ‘me’ or ‘your Mother’ were the furthest things from my mind when that thing happened !!! But the generational guilt is real.
Fast forward to our modern day society where we are bombarded with information from the cradle to the grave.
Expectations on us fall like raindrops pelting down during a storm, but a constant storm with no let up. We get soaked to the very bone with these anxieties and wonder why there is no respite, no way of coping other than to lash out in ways that are unfathomable at the time.
We are all still babes crying out for help, but rendered speechless by the weight of those sorrows. How does one put words to an internalised pain ?
How does one find the courage to recognise the pain and whence it came – facing it head on is really scary.
We try to voice our inner selves online, looking for caring and sympathy, but usually on these occasions, you get a thread of “The same thing happened to me – or so and so – and you think “Bugger them, this is my sorrow, just feel sorry for me will you !!”
I have many friends who have unburdened themselves on me, and, believe me that urge to respond with a story of my own is often overwhelming, and I am ashamed to say, happens more times than I care to admit.
Recently, I have come to the conclusion that perhaps I don’t care after all.
I will listen, sure. Nod and give that ‘I knooooooow’ look as that person offloads, but I have no intention of taking that problem on board to add to my own burdens.
Does this show a lack of care ?
Media talks of empathy, kindness, compassion and sometimes so much saccharine that my stomach turns.
I feel I have the caring of a Mother for each and every one on the planet, but I cannot possibly absorb and cope with everyone’s angst. That is impossible, and quite frankly, very foolish. I do care, but taking it on hurts too much.
Here is my song about it.
So – to care or not to care ?
What a Puzzlement !!
Author Bio:
Singer / Songwriter Miriam was born in Lewes, Sussex in 1948, and has a lifetime of making music.
From 1993-7 she was “Miriam Backhouse. The First Lady of Folk”.
She still tours Europe with her own songs and traditional ones.
In 1977 she married John Erasmus and moved to South Africa.
They raised a family as “Mim and John” playing music for all ages, but mostly touring the local Schools from 1987 to 2018.
She wrote 300 Educational songs and poems for children.
Now a journalist, she writes of life in South Africa and her travels.
Contact Author:
YouTube link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnpj8REUlOzHPXnPnULwpKg
Facebook link: https://web.facebook.com/miriam.erasmus
