By Tony Flood
Major Lionel Stevenson was a slick operator who liked to boast of his conquests as both a businessman and womaniser.
This know-it-all bachelor was unaware that his fellow members at Eastbourne Over Sixties Club longed for him to be taught a lesson.
They hated it when the arrogant former property developer mocked them if they got something wrong by him gloating: “It’s a mistake to presume and even worse to assume.”
It was half-way through the evening at the club’s Valentine Dance when widow Jenny Lunsden approached him. “Aren’t you going to ask me to dance?” she teased.
“Oh course,” Lionel replied, forcing a smile.
One dance became two as the DJ put on a couple of slower numbers.
Jenny, in her early seventies, was still an attractive woman, But Lionel’s preference was for someone much younger –
like Jenny’s stunning daughter Beth who worked at the local chemist.
When collecting prescriptions he would flirt with Beth because he still regarded himself as a dashing bachelor despite having just turned 70.
Lionel was about to ditch Jenny until she said: “Did I mention that Beth and I have just got back from holiday in Spain? We spent every day on the beach soaking up the sun.”
“Have you got any pictures?”
Jenny smiled. “As a matter of fact I’ve some in my handbag. Buy me a drink and I’ll let you see them.”
They sat drinking gin and tonics while the giggling brunette showed him her holiday snaps. The lecherous old man spent most of his time ogling a shapely Beth in her swimming costume.
When Jenny became flirty and moved closer Lionel backed away and looked pointedly at his watch. “My goodness, it’s almost time to go,” he said. “I’d better call a taxi.”
“We can share it,” Jenny told him. “We both live in the same road, so you can come in for a nightcap.”
When the taxi pulled up outside Jenny’s terraced house, Lionel made his excuses. “I’ve got to be up early for a meeting tomorrow so I’d better not come in,” he said.
“It’s up to you,” she murmured with a mischievous smile. “But you don’t know what you’ll be missing.”
He was about to decline again when she whispered: “I thought you’d be into some fun with a mother and daughter.”
Lionel’s frown turned into a smile. It would be well worth his while succumbing to Jenny’s demands if it meant her curvy blonde daughter Beth would be part of a threesome.
“Well, I suppose one more drink wouldn’t hurt,” he said, grinning broadly.
The drink proved to be another gin and tonic which he sipped as Jenny snuggled up to him on the sofa.
“It’s time you gave me a Valentine’s Day kiss,” she cooed. Lionel responded with a peck on a slightly wrinkled cheek, but she pulled him firmly towards her and kissed him full on the lips.
“What about the mother and daughter hanky panky?” he blurted out.
“You are a naughty boy. Well, if that’s what you want then that’s what you shall have.”
Getting up, she walked to the stairs and called out: “MUM, can you come down. I’ve got a treat for you.”
Lionel fled.
His humiliation slowly faded as he assumed Jenny would never let on about what had happened.
When Lionel eventually put in an appearance at the Over Sixties Club he was taught a cruel lesson. He was confronted by a banner stating: “It’s a mistake to presume and even worse to assume.
This is one of the short stories from the book Laughs and Tears Galore – Stories and Poems With Twists by Heather and Tony Flood, available on Amazon.co.uk
Author Bio:
Author Tony Flood, who lives in Eastbourne, spent most of his working life as a journalist, initially on local and regional papers and then on nationals. He was also Controller of Information at Sky Television and enjoyed a spell with ‘The People.’
In his celebrity book My Life With The Stars – Sizzling Secrets Spilled, Tony recalls: “My work as a showbiz and leisure writer, critic and editor saw me take on a variety of challenges – learning to dance with Strictly Come Dancing star Erin Boag, becoming a stand-up comedian and playing football with the late George Best and Bobby Moore in charity matches.”
My Life With The Stars provides revelations and amusing anecdotes about showbiz and sports personalities including Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, Frank Sinatra, Muhammad Ali, George Best, Kylie Minogue, Eric Morecambe, Tom Jones and Des O’Connor. Tony also writes in other genres and his crime thrillers have been endorsed by best-selling author Peter James. They are Triple Tease, Stitch Up – Killer or Victim? and Fall Guy – who really killed his wife?, and all feature compassionate copper DCI Harvey Livermore. In addition, there’s a fantasy adventure for youngsters called Secret Potion and a book Tony has co-written with wife Heather, aptly titled Laughs and Tears Galore – short stories and poems with twists!
Tony, the chairman of Anderida Writers, also writes theatre reviews for Unknown Kent and Sussex online magazine, the Eastbourne Herald and BourneFree Live, as well as playing veterans football for Sovereign Harbour Veterans. He is the oldest – and slowest – player in the team.
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