By Miriam Erasmus
Orpheus’ song as his love dies in his arms has been a favourite of mine ever since I heard Kathleen Ferrier sing it. Gluck wrote his epic cry – “What is life to me without thee ?” and I never truly understood.
Widowhood – every married woman on earth either becomes a widow, or her husband becomes a widower.
Over the course of my life, the pattern of death has unfolded. First my Grandparents, then my Parents and now, my Contemporaries.
We all know there have been other untimely deaths along the way, but the pattern remains.
To every Widow and Widower I have offered sweet condolences and the usual “If there’s anything I can do” sincerity, believing that my love and words of comfort would offer some solace. – In hard cold fact, they don’t !!
I am so sorry, yet glad, that I didn’t truly understand the reality of that loss before John died.
No words, deeds or wishes can alter the soul deep pain, heart wrench and desolation that the death of a cherished one brings.
I watched my Grandmothers, then my own Mother and Mother-in-law go through this with what I thought was such grace and strength, little realising that their worlds were falling apart, as mine has in turn, and that the grace and strength were just to reassure the family around them.
First there is the adrenalin rush of getting through the formalities – grief must be put aside for burial / memorial / financial plans. There is a sort of ‘efficiency’ gene that takes over and all around you, the people remark how brave and capable you are. Everyone asks, always kindly “What are your plans ?” and, believe me, just getting through the next cup of coffee is the life achievement of that time.
For me ?
John and I were married on August 24th 1977.
After we had nursed him through a life threatening illness, and he was recovering, my beloved died in his sleep on May 7th 2023.
Que faro ???
Author Bio:
Singer / Songwriter / Journalist Miriam was born in Lewes, Sussex in 1948, and has spent her whole life sharing music.
In the ‘70s, as Miriam Backhouse ‘The First Lady of Folk’, she toured Europe with her own, and traditional songs. In 1977 she married John Erasmus and moved to South Africa.
They earned their living as “Mim and John” playing music for all ages. John died in 2023.
Now she enjoys sharing stories of life in South Africa and her travels.
Contact Author:
YouTube link.
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnpj8REUlOzHPXnPnULwpKg
Facebook link.
https://web.facebook.com/miriam.erasmus
