By Lyn Funnell
I took my old Great Auntie Alice
To the wrestling Saturday night.
To tell you truth she invited herself;
She said she enjoys a good fight!
She was always so Christian and proper;
She must be a Jekyll and Hyde.
I’ve never known anyone alter as much
As she did when she got inside!
As soon as the wrestling started
She was hurling abuse at the ref,
And when he didn’t take any notice of her
She shouted out, ‘Oy, are you deaf?’
With an angry roar Thunderguts Watkins
Collided with Killer McGee,
And my Great Auntie Alice sat howling for blood;
I pretended she wasn’t with me!
The two huge gargantuan wrestlers
Performed their spectacular falls,
Then my Great Auntie Alice got up and she yelled,
‘Go on, kick him hard – in the stalls!’
Then she grabbed her long pointed umbrella,
Her eyes filled with sadistic gleams,
And she impaled poor Thunderguts like a kebab,
Who screamed his first genuine screams.
The last time I saw Great Aunt Alice
She was cursing as she disappeared
Up the aisle with two big beefy bouncers as guards
While all of the audience cheered.
I’ve heard Great Aunt Alice’s court case
Comes up Tuesday morning at ten.
I don’t care if she’s guilty or if she’s let off-
I’m not taking her wrestling again!
